Oct
9
This Just In
Filed Under Uncategorized | 1 Comment
In addition to his inexplicable Nobel Peace Prize, President Barack Obama was awarded the Heisman Trophy, selected most likely to succeed at New Brighton High School in Bethesda, Maryland, won the Next Food Network Star contest, and won the Conn Smythe trophy.
Mar
4
Reason: Real Man of Genius, VP Biden
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From Reason.tv:
“When you’re not creating the Drug Czar’s office, you’re talking crazy as all shit.”
Feb
6
Obama Tax Evasion Form Letter
Filed Under Uncategorized | 1 Comment
I asked in an earlier post whether tax evasion under President Obama was becoming an epidemic. The answer is clearly yes. In addition to Timothy Geithner and Tom Daschle, Obama nominees Nancy Killefer and Hilda Solis also have tax issues. Being that I am a patriotic American and want America to succeed, I thought I’d offer President Obama an efficient way to handle these tax situations via the Barack Obama Tax Evasion Form Letter:
President Barack Obama
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500
(202) 456-1414(Insert Date)
To Whom It May Concern:
It has recently come to my attention that (insert name here) whom I have nominated for Secretary of (department) had some (small/significant/obvious) unpaid (income/business/witholding/estate) taxes. I can assure you that this was just a simple (oversight/mistake) and was corrected (years ago/while I was filling in this field in Microsoft Access). I stand firmly behind Secretary of (department) nominee (name) and look forward to their continuing service in helping me make more wealthy Republicans pay their fair share and do their Patriotic Duty. There is no need to probe further into this issue, as my team has already done all the investigating necessary, in keeping with our message of (hope/change). Pay no attention to the Cabinet member behind the curtain!
Evasively Yours,
President Barack Obama
Don’t worry, Barry, you are free to use this form letter. I don’t mind!
Jan
25
Change We Can Believe In!
Filed Under Economics | Leave a Comment
You’re never going to believe this, but I got the scoop on President Obama’s new legislation! Here’s a few new acts he’ll be pushing through congress:
- The heart of today’s economic crisis is the way the Bush administration handled the mortgage crisis. America needs decisive leadership from our next president. That’s why, as president, Senator Obama will create the Mortgage Amortization Reset Exchange (MARX). Through this, no American will be forced to live in a house they bought because they were preyed upon by unscrupulous lenders. If, at any point, a citizen cannot make their mortgage payment, they will be allowed to take over any house that is in their county of residence. That homeowner will be required to house, feed and clothe them and their progeny for as long as needed. That way, no American will be forced to face the consequences of their actions.
- While speaking with folks all over America, Senator Obama has heard countless stories of ordinary Americans being pushed aside in the workplace over the past eight years. That’s why in the senate Barack Obama sponsored the Work Ethic Equality Act. For too long our friends and neighbors have been discriminated against by employers just because they don’t work hard. President Obama will make it a capital offense punishable by 30 years in prison to deny a worker a job on the basis of work ethic, attendance, punctuality, or ability. Its time we put the working (or non-working) class first again after eight disastrous years of George Bush.
- An Obama administration will make sure all Americans have the ability to voice their concerns with their government through the American Yearly Executive Request Service (AYERS). Through this program, Americans of all walks of life will be trained on how to make an explosive impression on local government and government buildings and how to realize how awful and terrible our country has been.
Yes we can!
